I Just Want You To Know

It continues; my weird fascination with Lady GaGa has made me into some sort of teenage boy. I don't think she's amazing or even that hot I just can't stop thinking about what the heck she's doing here on earth. I think she's a snack from Venus, that is to say on Venus you eat pop stars for something to fulfill your snack needs. She probably tastes like tofu fried, dipped in a Tang and chili flake powder. When you eat the pop star snack the music plays.
On the wilder side of things I think her music is the proper music to do blow to and I have some suspicion that her and Paris Hilton probably listen to "The Fame" do lines, have a straight girl make out and laugh at all the mooks ogling them like it's the most important event in history. Do they make T-shirts that read "disco stick" with an arrow pointing down?
Continuing in the blue department I wander if she's a good lover . . . I'm gonna' guess not. I mean she probably can do a good solo show in front of a mirror or a spectator but I think that's what her "Poker Face" is for.
Question: When was the last time somebody thought Madonna was hot, I mean really hot? Like a fantasy.
Answer: 1984

I'm dumb!

These Ads/ I'm a Problem

So . . . I saw the ad on TV for "Late Night" flavored Doritos and like magic I was convinced I had to have some! I put on my pants, counted the few dollars in the pocket and practically danced out the door looking for some sort of snack salvation. Truth be told I didn't even lock my apartment door; I just made a choice to get what I needed to get.
As I crossed the street to get to the closest market I began to wonder how bad I would feel if I discovered the store didn't carry the new item and would I attempt to purchase them at the next place I encountered. What would be worse is if the market had them but told me I couldn't actually by them until it was in fact late night; looking at my watch I realized I would have so many hours to wait. For whatever reason I tried to act casual about the purchase, I almost tried to act aloof as if I was just chillin' in the corner store, killin' time; clearly there is something wrong with me as I can't even just give in to temptation like a normal conspicuous consumer. I think the first time I tried to buy beer underage I was more direct . . . but that's a story for another time.
Anyway I went to the chips and eyed them all before seeing the black bags with pseudo neon signs advertising the brand and flavor which of course became a whole ulcer inducing process as well. "Last Jalapeno Popper" or "Tacos at Midnight"? NO! The effort was taking the excitement out of the whole grand dream I had about tearing open the bag and pouring those suckers down my throat. Based on no digression at all I went with the Jalapeno and humbly placed the bag on the counter hoping the due wouldn't start asking me questions, congratulate or fill me in on the specifications of my purchase, all went smooth and we didn't even bring plastic or paper in to the transaction.
Once I had the snack I looked over the bag, easily tore open the top, took a whiff and plucked out a chip at random. The taste was indistinguishable from many of the other Doritos family chips.
Like in so many other aspects of my life I had been had and suckered by what I thoguht I wanted my life to be about.

I'm dumb.